You just gotta know that this website (scientology.org) has had several server crashes since their new marketing plan came out. Until recently, it was just Tom Cruise and John Travolta checking on news from outer space every few days...now they're taking more hits than my apparent glaucoma diseased neighbor. In fact, an article on MSNBC reported that “Scientology had leaped into the top 50 search terms last week for the first time, hitting 37, marking a 260 percent increase in interest...and was now the most-searched-for “ology,” acing out the likes of geology, technology and astrology." But why? Could it really be that a cool marketing strategy is enough to push this "ology" from mostly unknown status to such a high Google position. Surely there's more to it. What's so appealing?
You can't sum up Scientology as neatly as I'd like to. There's too many moving parts and just when you think you've uncovered the wizard there's another curtain in the way. I'll do my best at summing up almost 10 hours of research on the subject. If you're just not feeling up to reading this right now,(though I promise its worth it and impressive coffee shop talk) shoot up some crack and watch Alice in Wonderland immediately followed by The Matrix and Coccoon and you'll pretty much have it. You'll see what I mean.
If ever if ever a wiz there wuz, L. Ron Hubbard is one because...
Scientology is (what is now considered) a religion created by a L. Ron Hubbard in circa 1952. But the rest of the story is that two years earlier Hubbard started a very controversial and somewhat popular "self help" book and system called Dianetics. And dianetics is where we must start our journey.
Dianetics, in short, was a way to "audit" or interview someone in order to bring about a conscious recall of past traumatic events that had been surpressed. Hubbard's belief was solid (the fact that we repress or forget past life experiences as a defense mechanism), but his practices were not. After a year or so, instead of it being considered an important psychological tool, the medical community called it "quack medicine" and wrote ole Hub off. However, throughout the process some of Hubbard's clients reported experiences which they believed had occurred in past lives, or previous incarnations. Since Hubbard was now bankrupt, out of work, and dismissed by the only profession he knew, he needed money and he needed a way to make it. What comes next is no coincidence in my opinion as it was at this time in his life that he "discovered" the reasons and meanings behind our existence on this earth...and he started to market it. He decided to take these "previous life events" that a few of his clients had told him about seriously and postulated the existence of "Thetans." Thetans, as you'll see, are the real life blood of Hubology...and it all came from a few crazies.
Get your popcorn ready...
According to Scientology, Thetans are basically what the soul is in Christianity...only from Venus. (very cool) According to Scientology a Thetan is...
- The being who is the individual and who handles and lives in the body."
- "A thetan is not a thing, a thetan is the creator of things."
There are more than one type of Thetan, and this is important. There are Operating Thetans (OT's) and Body Thetans. OT's are what exist in us...or "operate" us. Our soul. Scientologist believe that through this "auditing" process mentioned above (yeah, the religion now uses the afformentioned self help practices as doctrine for their religion instead of just a psychological tool) a person becomes more and more aware of the thetan living inside of their "Meat Bodies." There are 10 levels of an Operating Thetan which start with OT1 upon realization that you are, in fact, an alien, and ending with OTX where "A thetan who is completely rehabilitated and can do everything a thetan should do, such as move MEST (matter, energy, space, time) and control others from a distance, or create his own universe." So you're like a Jedi kinda, but better. B/c not only can you lift an x-wing out of a swamp and control people's minds, you can create stuff, like an oreo blizzard...which is handy when the nearest Dairy Queen is 5 hours away.
Why do we not already know that we're aliens? Why does Hubbard have to tell us in 1952? I'm glad you asked. Its very simple to explain it and really pretty obvious.
See, when we die or when a thetan abandons its physical body — they go to a "landing station" on the planet Venus, where the thetan is re-implanted and told lies about its past life and its next life(thus the amnesia as to his real identity). The Venusians take the thetan, "capsule" it, and send it back to Earth to be dumped into the ocean off the coast of California (yep, always California apparently).
Hubbard explains the process to us delicately so that our simple minds can comprehend the wonder of it all...this is a direct quote from Forefather Hubbard when talking about how a Thetan finds a "host" upon returning to California... "If you can get out of that, and through that, and wander around through the cities and find some girl who looks like she is going to get married or have a baby or something like that, you're all set. And if you can find the maternity ward to a hospital or something, you're OK. And you just eventually just pick up a baby." This is Scientology's basic belief of reincarnation.
Snapple is wrong...This is the best stuff on Earth.
Body Thetans. Basically, these are bad thetans. They also came to earth on a 747 but when they got here Xenu (this next part is pure doctrine) "stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs." (handy that hydrogen bombs were a cool new technology in Hubbard's day as well...his lack of imagination almost points toward being rushed for answers...and as a matter of fact he was as we'll see later) Official Scientology dogma holds that the essences of these many people remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm. These body thetans exist in or around our bodies in clusters (they're stuck together b/c the hydrogen bond melted them together) and can be found hiding in your body by hooking up a sort of low voltage electric device to the body...it gets more confusing, believe it or not, but basically all you need know is that part of the auditing process gives these "body thetans" back their free will and releases them from any harm they might mean you. Of course all of these audits and steps must be taken at the correct speed and time. According to Hubs...if someone is introduced to a level like OTIII too quickly...they will die of pnuemonia. (yep, pnuemonia)
I know, so far it sounds like the truth you've always been looking for, but before you go running off to join let's dig a little deeper. Several of Hubbard's close personal friends have given enough insight to media for them to conclude, "Scientology is a business, often given to criminal acts, and sometimes masquerading as a religion." During his lifetime, Hubbard was accused of using religion as a façade for Scientology to maintain a tax-excempt status and avoid prosecution for false medical claims. According to several of his fellow science-fiction writers, Hubbard had on several occasions stated that the way to get rich was to start a religion.
And get rich Hubbard has. Each level of OT, which is a necessary process of enlightenment in Scientology is preceeded by a mandatory fee paid to the church of Scientology. Experts say it can cost — in “suggested donations” — more than $100,000 to attain JUST a level of OT3. While this is apparently not troubling for the Hollywood crowd, there are scores of tales of average people spending decades and bankrupting themselves in the pursuit. And the church of Scientology has placed a legal turniquet on the use of their beliefs outside of official church use (which of course includes the official church fee). They can and will take legal action against anyone who holds a single "audit" session outside of the church. They definitely want a monopoly on "the truth" that they hold. It is not something that everyone deserves to know about...as the commercials might suggest. It's for those who pay. And we just thought the truth was public domain.
There's further evidence that this has been a business venture from day 1. Hubbard envisioned that celebrities would have a key role to play in the dissemination of Scientology, and in 1955 launched Project Celebrity, creating a list of 63 famous people that he asked his followers to target for conversion to Scientology. He continued to target the filthy rich as a follower's progression in Scientology usually coincides with the size of his bankroll.
In the course of developing Scientology, Hubbard presented rapidly changing teachings that were often self-contradictory. For the inner circle of Scientologists in that period, involvement depended not so much on belief in a particular doctrine but on absolute, unquestioning faith in Hubbard. Hubbard would say things like "Thetans have no mass or weight"...then he'd come back a few weeks later and say that a Thetan weighed approx. 1.5 ounces or 2.0 ounces if its a super thetan. This was apparently discovered by weighing bodies just as the person was dying. I don't have to tell you to think about that...you're thinking about it already.
I'm angry that this "religion" even exists...but even more angry that its spreading at such a rapid rate. Estimated numbers of Scientology followers varies between several hundred thousand to around 8 million. While the number of true followers isn't clear it is clear that they its growing rapidly. Which means two things.
#1. People are hungry and/or gullible.
#2. We're not doing a good enough job spreading the Truth.
There it is...Scientology. Hope you learned something. I'm still not sure what it has to do with roast beef for dinner.
